Pancakes and Lemon cream

come and visit

2010-06-16T13:03:00.001+02:00

Hi everyone,

Please come visit my new blog!!!

Sometimes it is just good enough

2010-02-02T12:02:00.002+02:00

sometimes it is just good enough, pushing and pulling out your hair @ times wont get you the results any quicker.

things comes with an enduring spirit and waiting on God when the time is ready. So, i wait but i will still try.

ANOTHER FIRST

2009-12-01T09:49:00.002+02:00

Here is another first for me. It has been more then ten years, since I last worn any form of swimming suit, if it was at all possible I would swim in a complete cover up.

The difference between the last time I wore a bikini and between the now, this time I was wearing a full swimsuit. This time I felt more confident, than I did then. The last time I was a tiny little school girl and now I’m a full grown woman, with two children. no I’m not in shape, I’m also not awkwardly out of shape. But I braced myself and swam in a swimsuit, okay so I covered myself up as soon as I got out of the pool.

Before my idea of a fun time next to the pool, was looking fab (which can be a great plus). just do add, I did look fab, only a fuller fab. But ultimately what was important is that we had a relaxing time that I was with the people I loved and that I felt great in my shape.

Ofcourse I’m also no idiot to parade in my cottage cheese thighs but I have a great time. As in the past I would not even where a shorts because of how I felt in my body.

But being at the resort with other woman, I realize that the majority of woman looks like me and most probably felt just like me, liberating to walk in their swimsuits.

I felt just as great as the skinny girl on my far left, if not better, I felt admired by my husband, of course how he feels is very important and I did not embarrass my kids, while they not old enough yet to feel embarrassed, they might have said if they were a little bigger.

While I was sitting I was reminded of the uk program how to look good naked, how a punch of woman met on a football field, I could see I had a lot in common with those woman, those woman represent the majority of the woman in the world.

So, there is some, that is flawless, God bless your soul and I will always be a little envious. But I relate to my fellow sister and I want to say don’t be ashamed of who you are, you are beautiful just the way you are.

I also realize that full swimsuit can look just as sexy as a two-piece. So, for those of us that can soke up the sun, lets make the best of the weather embrace our bodies. Because confidence turns my husband on and I’m sure so it does other man if you single.

There is some great swimwear outside and great cover-ups that can make a girl look sexy.

So this time around I say cheers to my zero (0) size girlfriend and I embrace my difference. Laugh out loudLif you like, I’m a confident beautiful women.

i've been very brave

2009-12-01T09:45:00.001+02:00

I have also been very brave, I think this is the bravest thing I ever did for myself. My long hair was just weighing me down, so one morning, blow-drying my hair, I felt, nothing. Inside I was feeling like a new person, but outside I still look like the old me. So, I hesitantly took the house scissors, luckily it was sharp enough to take a lot of hair at a time. So in literally three snips my long hair was off and I felt like a weight was lifted from me.

I felt like I was no longer playing it safe, I felt that I used my long hair to hide behind a lot of things. Though I would love to think of myself as person that, I did feel that I somehow have put limitations on myself. And suddenly just a new hairstyle has made me feel confident and sexy. And ofcourse my husband loves this new look and I feel completely different

So, ja, I feel liberated and free in my new hairstyle, which should have always been my hairdo, reveals who I truly am, sexy, strong, seductive, intelligent and unpredictable.

i've been very brave

2009-12-01T09:45:00.000+02:00

So, ja, I feel liberated and free in my new hairstyle, which should have always been my hairdo, reveals who I truly am, sexy, strong, seductive, intelligent and unpredictable.

Since the last time

2009-12-01T09:43:00.002+02:00

It has been so long, but allot has happened since the last time I popped in. thanks Laura for giving my blog an award. There is so many great blogs out there and I kind of feel special that you gave me an award even though I have not been updating regularly.

So, what has happened since the last time?

While the dragon has revealed herself on many occasions and I must add that she also quickly find her calm place. This only happens when I remind myself that my acting out was reasonable or unreasonable, and that I should not allow my current emotion to dictate my day.
I realize that I value some people’s opinion that in actual fact that I should not even take in consideration as the affect they have on me is negative. That I should not place their opinion in high regard, as they do not bring or see the best in me. Therefore I will eliminate their opinion, as their opinion is not justified by their actions.
I realize that I have true friend
I know I can get upset with my kids and don't have to feel guilty, as I have to guide them and teach them.
I realize that television has an big impact on our lives. I realized it is because we said nothing that today we watch that we don’t approve off. Yet we never fought against it. We disagreed but we never fought hard enough.
I also realize that that TV takes up much of my time, even though there is allot I don’t approve of or get suck into, it steals some of my valuable time. But hey it TV is not all that negative, I also learn and it also keeps me in the loop with what is happening around the world.

Been busy

2009-10-21T09:57:00.002+02:00

Been busy lately - have missed blogging.

here is some of the things i have been up to, practicing

Just My Thoughts

2009-10-19T08:10:00.001+02:00

My eight year old son slightly overcame his fear to singing in public – and he was elated by the response from his small audience. an instant boost of confidence, and a taste of what he can become.
I realised how real my daughters dolls and soft toys are to her, how she takes much care and appreciate them
A “film” photographer got passionate about the subject and was appalled at digital photography and in the process, gave up the game of photography he gave up on the dream that has driven him for years – because of the advancement of technology :-(
I have defended every digital photographer out there. It is not your camera it is how you see the world. I wish people can stop thinking that a camera makes a photographer. It’s like saying a guitar makes beautiful music.
A new friend invited me for tea
I saw the not so perfect side of a very perfect friend
I was judge on my skill (gulp)
I was highly praised on my skill (simles)
I felt judge
I felt a distant
I felt love
I felt admired
I realised that some people are different and sometimes it is a difference you don’t like, but one has to accept it
I was blessed to recognised that I’m unique
I have accepted me for who I am and made it public
I have accepted people
I realised that I can change and that there is much off me, that is still allot to be discovered

Some things just have to wait

2009-10-05T12:24:00.002+02:00

I have so many things up my sleeve. At the moment I'm feeling a little overwhelmed and even lightheaded. (lol) but as i go through my day, i realise that somethings just have to wait. as it is the rush, in trying to get things done, when i become overwhelmed. when in reality somethings just have to wait?

There is certain things that you should just wait for, certain things that need you to think about and only give answer later. (i have a tendency on wanting to give an answer immediately)

I guess i just have to learn to see what has more priority and what can wait.

i really hope that i can master this, as when things overwhelm me, i loose focus on what is important. like acknowledging the presence of my little one, beside me. taking time to take in the moment of pure memory bliss.

i pray that i would be able to discern and do the right thing. so that i don't look back and think. if i only i did......

Boy, does life happen

2009-10-02T14:33:00.000+02:00

Life has been good and at the same time I had loads of good moments and lots of obstacles along the way (but I shall not ponder on that).

But I’m glad that I have the support of friends and God at my side to make the things easier.

Things have been working out for me, which I’m so chuffed about.

My photography is taking off in the right direction. Gotten loads of advice and I took it all and still working on it and using it. So, I’m really chuffed.

We are thinking of home schooling and I’m constantly in thought and in prayer for this. As I want to do what is best for our family and I also want to be sure that this is it for me. So, I ‘m mediating on the idea and I have not gotten answer yet. I know it’s hard work and I don’t know if I’m ready for this…..

Kiddo’s are doing great – they on term break now,(will be returning on Monday) and they have been in and out the house. Sometimes I just see my daughter run pass me and only see her when it is meal times. My son has gone playstation and psp crazy.

They have also been avoiding my me and my camera.

Life’s good

I had my first shoot

2009-09-22T12:56:00.002+02:00

I had my first photo's shoot. so check out my blog

Leave some comments - I would love to hear from you.

If I should die today

2009-09-16T11:39:00.001+02:00

I know this is not something that one wants to think about. But recently around me and church, a SAHM husband died and left her with three children, a woman has passed away and left three young children behind. A woman has been diagnosed with a fatal illness and she only has a few years left. A close friend of us is now in hospital, people have been coming in and out of hospital.

And I could not help but think how sad and scary it all is, as I am forced to reflect on my own life. What if it is me today? If I become severely ill will I be able to handle it. It is hard to think about it – but I can only pray and trust God to not give me more than I can handle and if He takes me to an unfamiliar illness, that I can find the strength to know that God is with me.

What if I should die today – what is going to happen to my kids? I never thought about this really, sometimes I think I will live until a ripe old age and see my kids get married and hold my grandchildren in my arms. But what if I’m not that fortunate?

I pray, if I have not prayed this prayer yet, I pray it now. That God would send people in my children’s lives that would make and impact on there lives. That God would send man and woman that have a desire to lead my children and teach them about Him about and His ways. If my husband should take another woman (this is really hard to comprehend). That she will love my children as much as I and even more, that she will teach them about God and plant His word on the tablets of there hearts. If there is one desire I have for my kids it’s that they grow up to be Godly children.

What if is should die today? Will I be ready?

Chocolate Fudge Surprise

2009-09-11T15:37:00.002+02:00

It’s my daughter’s concert later tonight. And with this I know it will be a rush when we leave the house later the afternoon. So I thought I will take a bath, with the nice smelly stuff that I got from a friend - Chocolate fudge surprise with a hint of coconut. The smell is so yummy, if it is possible to eat myself, I would.

With it being spring and we having extra lovely weather, I decided to take an afternoon walk. Half way through my walk I was harassed by a bee. And I assumed it was the chocolate fudge surprise. The bee did not want to let go, I fasten my step as I refused to run. I tried to shoo it away but to no avail, then I got a message alert, I don’t know where I got this thought from or why I would think it. But I thought maybe the bee will be sensitive to sound of my alert and I placed it close to the bee. And guess what? it worked.

So, now I’m puzzled was it really the sound of technology that drove the bee away or was it that I actually that I was thinking if I don’t run I will get stung. And I’m now contemplating that the surprise could easily have been the attention from a unexpected bee.

What am I not seeing?

2009-09-10T08:13:00.002+02:00

We have been studying the book by Beth Moore, Breaking Free. (Some of you might be familiar with it) over the past week-end. One of the things that striked me was, what type of parent I am.

Of course I try to do everything right, get the discipline down the belt, teaching them about Jesus. But something that was brought to my attention was King Ahaz (found in 2 Chronicle 28). Was that the sins his father King Jotham chose to ignore was exactly that snared his own son. Ahaz offered sacrifices at the very “high places” his father did not remove. He had grown up seeing these places and grown accustomed to it. Though his father sought God Faithfully and walked steadfastly before Him. He refused to let go of some of the things in his life – like the “the high places” where there was shrines and for the people to worshiped.

I thought to myself even though I sought God at times and try and be a Jesus follower, just like Jotham what is it in my life that I’m not destroying, what is my “high places” and is my children picking up on that. And I’m very fearful that they will pick up on it and make it there god’s one day. Build even bigger “high places” and become a cruel man like Ahaz.

So, the question posed was “what am I doing unconsciously aware? I pray that God will show me, if he has not already and I choose to ignore it. Just like Jotham, trying to gain favour with the people maybe I’m too.

I will leave it at that.

I will be posting soon

2009-09-07T09:11:00.003+02:00

I will be posting soon. About my wonderful dynamic week-end at our ladies-retreat. WoW, what an eye opener it was. There was so many things that God has brought to my attention.

i would like to put it to my blog a little later, later could easily be in the middle of the week.

what i can say though, is that i missed my husband and kids allot. when i came back my daughter was clinging on me non stop, (and i enjoyed every moment) she even slept by me last night and i did not mind. My son was happy that i was home and told me that he has gone with out breakfast the week-end.

the kids however did not take a bath, but surprisingly they managed to keep the rooms clean, when i walked in, just a light vacuum did the trick. so. I'm proud of them

post later

Implementing the Reward Chart

2009-09-01T13:54:00.001+02:00

As you know; I had to implement consistency in my discipline to the kids. And I have brought out yet again the Reward Chart. But my husband and I have agreed that the list will be there and it would be up to them to follow it. The Reward will be self discipline in their life and mom and dad will acknowledge there effort.

But if you have two siblings in the house, you are bound to get a little competition. (This is good for mommy) But Like all children they want reward that they can see. My son has asked for a camera as he wants to become a photographer like mom. The Self Reward Chart will therefore be used later on as a reference, when it gets closer to Christmas. My daughter has not decided on her reward yet, right now it is a competition or she could be thinking carefully of what it is that she wants. I think the latter is more applicable for her. So, I have already made few ticks for the morning

I have included in the list the things that I have to speak allot about, taking a bath, brushing there teeth, picking up there toys, keeping there room clean, making there beds and looking neat for school (this one is particularly for my son). It is the normally the small things that stir up the volcano in me.

On a different Note it is the 1st September, this means that we are in spring and we have a few things planned for the family, like visiting the butterfly farm, picking strawberries in October, taking a trip down to the beach and packing away all the winter cloths.

Reflection for the week

2009-08-28T07:10:00.000+02:00

It’s been extra hard for me to get out of bed this week. This week had its challenges especially with parenting I tried to become more consistent in my “threats” and to not be too permissive as I can let things slide. I had to make a conscience effort and this was mentally tiring and I was ashamed what I let the Kids get away with. Nagging – I hate nagging, (or shall I say anything for peace and quiet) it works better than the puppy dog face.

I have aloud the kids to feel their un forgiveness towards their siblings. (I can force you to forgive), but I wanted forgiveness to come from themselves. My daughter has learned to apologize out of her own without me pushing her. I don’t think she liked the feeling of fighting with her brother.

Brother, though the most sensitive can be manipulative (he is good with reading mommy), I thank God that I picked up on that behaviour – it seems that he needs me to be more consistent.

Little girl – I have listened from her point of view how she felt on why she is “in Paris” embarrassed. I can understand but I think she has a little peer pressure.

And I played along with my son’s stupid came this morning – my son thinks he is funny. His favourite word chicken, this is funny, so when his sister heard he has a girl friend (just a friend) and she teased him. She said “they talking about chickens mommy” that was hilarious. Of course he got furious, it’s amazing the ones that likes to tease, don’t like it when they are teased,

And, I did not concentrate too much on the house work this week. I hope our domestic help is coming, we have three messy’s in the house and it is not my husband.

I have also started another blog www.wildflowerursosweet.blogspot.com you will have to see if you like.

How do i get my blog to look Fabulous

2009-08-27T15:19:00.000+02:00

I just love some of the Fabulous blogs that i visit.

So, how do i get my blog to look like that. can someone please help!!

Random Thoughts

2009-08-27T08:22:00.000+02:00

Not really focused this morning

• Had quite a laugh when my daughter said s “imparis” instead of embarrass
• Need to be more consistent in my discipline with my kids
• I hope my zeal for cleaning will come soon, my house is crying out for a good clean
• Thought that Thursday “me time” will come easy – an initiative of theta mom, her blog is really great
• I’m now pushing everyday to get myself out of bed and to go for that morning run
• Can’t think of the rest – mind have been somewhere else

Week-end away

2009-08-25T08:45:00.000+02:00

It’s been an exhausting week-end and I think I need another few days to recover. I’m still recovering but I think it was a great week-end for me and hubby. The week-end at the marriage workshop (based on Christian principles) has been back to back but each session was fulfilling.

We definitely walked away from the workshop being more connected, me understanding his needs and there being a flow in communication. One of the great moments was when we arrived home and my husband asked me why I don’t write (I write children stories) I explained to him how each day is different and brings it challenges. He was surprised that I was so busy; and the things I have to deal with on a day to day and having to guide the kids at all times. He always thought I was doing nothing, (especially if he comes home and see that the house is not clean).

I thank God for that revelation to my husband as I so was hoping that someday he would get it. The line of communication is just open and it is now up to us to keep the communication lines open. With this great communication it makes our intimacy so more intimate.

We had a great but tiring week-end, when we returned home our parrot Larry passed away. My heart is still saddened and my kids grieved deeply for her.

What a Morning!!

2009-08-21T07:58:00.000+02:00

So, the morning did not start out the way it was suppose too (I know this is wishful thinking, but a girl can dream). There have been excitement the whole week, the kids were going to their aunt and cousins for the week-end while mom and dad will be at a week-end marriage workshop.

So, it was no surprise when Friday morning finally arrived that both kids will be up together. (I try and not wake them up @ the same time for this very reason) excitement quickly turned into Pickering and tears. The kids were fighting and before I knew it my daughter spit in her brothers special wheat, gluten, preservative… free porridge, yes that is right, I said spit.

I was furious, as I only made enough. Little miss got a good hiding as for brother he had no breakfast, as we ran out of fruit or something gluten free the day before. So, I hope he is helping himself to his packed lunch (don’t I just look like a bad parent). Little miss have been in a foul mood since and my son went to school not so happy. On his way out he tried to slam the door (this was funny), he gave it three attempts - but was unsuccessful.

Did I mention - that my curtain rail also fell off .

Ja, so that was my morning – hope yours is much better…

me time this morning

2009-08-20T10:48:00.001+02:00

I had some"me time"this morning, I thought i might as well, I had to do a few things and being early at the mall i could enjoy breakfast before i rush to do my to do list. Shamefully i did not get to get what i was suppose to do, but i did score a jeans and some nice black wedges (it is the first time in a year that i actually bought myself shoes. Shameful!!)

Wordless Wednesday

2009-08-19T17:24:00.000+02:00

I love the colour of this tree

this is the road i walk to fetch my daughter, it looks like a distance, but it's really not.

My daughter taking a pic of me. Yes, it is the last of our winter, therefore i can afford to not wear a jersey (sweater) and it looks awfully dry in the backround. soon it we will have some colour. the 1st of September.

More or less what my day looks like

2009-08-19T07:15:00.000+02:00

I tried to do a post what my day looks like. It turned out to be just too long and I think I will bore you. None of my days are exactly the same.

But this is what we do everyday whatever the time.

My day starts at 5:30
Make breakfast
The kids go to day-care and school
Husband goes to work
I clean only until 12
Between 12 and 1:15pm I pick up my daughter from school and son comes at 1:15 and sometime 3:15 when he has cricket practice
They have lunch and I wait an hour of two before we start homework
They play and I get to think and prepare the days meal
They take a bath and I get to sit down
Through out the day I take bookings for my husbands business, so this happens when ever and I can sometimes be bound to computer for some time if I have to send out invoices. (This normally can change how the day goes)
We have supper
After supper and sometimes while having supper they watch cartoon network (this is the only time, my kids get to watch TV) week-ends is a different story – some days they prefer to play and other times to watch TV
7:30 They go to bed
And I do whatever until husband comes from work

Twice or once a week I normally have a friend come over. I would normally, almost everyday have between three and six kids at my house.

I'm so excited!!

2009-08-18T10:19:00.000+02:00

I'm so excited, i have my first booked photography job - for later this year. It's an anniversary!!

Really excited, despite me feeling .....

I have been in battle

2009-08-18T06:50:00.000+02:00

I feel I have been in battle and I woke up this morning wounded and realise I have a big spear through my back and some small arrows to the front.

I’m hurt, very hurt and when I was asked if I was angry, I said no but I feel hurt, but I also feel betrayed.

I always take criticism with a pinch of salt and I have learned that criticism is good, but sometimes it is just too difficult to swallow the criticism tablet.

I felt I was attacked from all directions and feel though some were talking straight to me, I also feel that a spear has been pushed through my back, when I was not looking.

This morning I’m experiencing the after effects of their disapproval and I’m hurting.

But this is what I got “…Do not be afraid of people’s scorn nor fear their insults. For the mouth will devour them …” Isaiah 51:7-8

just for the record, this has nothing to do with my girl friends.

So, I decided not to go.

2009-08-17T07:13:00.000+02:00

One of my poor excuses was that my husband came from work (yes, he works on a Saturday) and he did not feel well and I did not have someone else to watch the kids. As I said before an evening with my husband and kids looked appealing and with me being in doubt, this has made my decision easier.

You see I have a problem which I know should change. I never knew, but I can’t handle change well, especially if we have planned something in advance. Throw a few changes at me last minute and I’m devastated. The first change was the get together was moved to an evening, I thought afternoon – but then again this group of friends are single, married, with no children, so in there minds they were thinking evening and I was thinking afternoon. (I know I should get out more in the evening).

So, I accepted the change as this was my fault in thinking. Then the entourage tagged alone. And then the emergency lights in my head went on “Change, Change” and I flipped, that is was brought on my doubt.

Never the less, I told the girls hubby was sick (which was true) and I don’t have any baby sister (which was true). They were cool with it, did not affect them one bit, they did not even try to persuade me otherwise. None of them even bothered to phone the next day and find out if I was okay and if we could arrange to meet some time when it suits my mommy schedule. Maybe I’m selfish to think that they should have called, seeing that I had doubts….

Anyways, I’m going out for hour long Coffee tonight with some “mommy” and “empty nest” girl friends who was more then happy and suggested that I bring my kiddo’s along and we can have a separate table for them. (My husband works long hours. So, I have a glimpse of what a single mother would feel like).

And in the first week-end of September (start of spring for us) I’ll be away with our church ladies at a week-end retreat, week-end of laughter and some spiritual growth (as I so need Jesus).

Okay, so now what

2009-08-15T15:23:00.000+02:00

I'm rested and thought i was ready for my girls night out. I thought it was just going to be me and my two best friends, from way back then. Instead, one of our friends is bringing her click with. Now, i dont feel up to it. I just wanted it to be us (selfish i know) I just wanted to catch up!! Now i have to share it with with a punch of other woman.

oh, gosh, i dont know, an evening with my kids and my husband just looks a little bit more appealing right now. I so wanted to see my old girl friends.

What to do? What to do? Should i go or shoul i stay?

No Rest For The Weary

2009-08-15T12:13:00.000+02:00

Do you ever feel that your days looks exactly the same like it did the day before and before and before and before and before and before? I guess these are the joys of being wife and mother. Everyday you pick up dirty cloths, make the beds, clean the dishes, yada, yada, yada, the list goes one.

Today I have reached an all time low, I’m teary and wondering, my gosh when is this going to end. I can not tell the difference between a week day and a week-end day.

I’m supposed to be happy I have an all girls night out this evening, which is long overdue. But I’m not looking forward to it. I just want to stay in and relax, have you ever heard of something so obscene, a difference in my schedule and now I just want to sit and relax.

I’m sure I will have a fun evening with the girls and as soon as I’m finish with my things to do for today. I will get some time to sit down. Oh! No, that wont be possible, I have to do my hair and choose an outfit (if you know me that takes super long)

Oh, my gosh!! look at the time - I have to think of what to make for Lunch - Like I said no rest for the weary

Surprisingly i got some time to get in a post (don't judge - this is my sanity!!)

The "My teacher" phase

2009-08-12T08:09:00.000+02:00

We have reached yet again in our household, the “My teacher” phase. My teacher does this, she did this, she has this and the all famous one “my teacher said”.

With the “My teacher” coming around the second time, I have learned not to take it too seriously. At first it was like a spear through my heart and now I think of it as, at least she enjoys day-care and she is in good hands!!

Oh, and here is a good one. “Mom I think Oprah is cleverer than you” We’ll at least she thinks I’m clever. LOL!!!

When Our Ship Comes in

2009-08-11T08:34:00.000+02:00

I recall when I was younger, when ever I asked my mom for something that she should purchase. She would say: “when the ship comes in”.

Last night my daughter asked me “Mommy when are we going to visit Aunty Marsha in the States” and I replied “when our ship comes in” she gave me the “heh-deh” look. So, I told her the ship with the money. I knew she won’t just let it be. She asked; “what does a ship look like?” “How long will it take for the ship to come in?” “How do you make a ship?” the conversation increasd her knowledge and as for the question that poped up again: “how long will it take for the ship to come in?” at first I replied with “I don’t know” she looked bewildered and disappointed and I told her about six months. I know i was not helping my case at all.

Now my daughter is counting the days until our ship comes in. And dad is furious with me as I do the stupidest things. I was just so tired to say we don’t have money. So I thought I will tell her what my mother told me, “When the ship comes in”.

I hope our ship comes sooner than the proposed six months.

I know I do stupid things, I’m dreamer, I believe, I have faith, I hope and our ship will come in.

But sometimes for our ships to come in, we have to wait a little bit longer and our ships might not bring what we want, it might just bring us what we need, the latter is always the case.

What do you want your ship to bring?

Are you Okay?

2009-08-10T12:16:00.000+02:00

Have anyone ever asked you “Are you okay?” and you said; "yes" but in actual fact you meant "NO!! please so desperately need to talk to someone."

Or did you ever wish that someone can ask if you okay and actually care enough to listen.

So, today I ask if you are Okay.

Am I just living?

2009-08-07T09:00:00.000+02:00

Sometimes I just go through the motions of the day, getting things done and making sure that I tick of things from my mental to do list. But sometimes in the mitts of it all, I wonder is there more than just my to do list. I can get so bogged down with the things that I have to do. That I become a mum that is present but not emotionally nearby.

Being a SAHM is one of the most challenging things to do. No one really understands until they walk in your shoes. No, SAHM journey is the same our journeys are all different.

So, I wondered how I can live life more than just my “to do list”

As a family we have decided that every Sunday will be a recreational day (of course after church). We have also come to agreement that we will spend R50 (about $6) pp on entrance fee. If it is something special we will wait. And it is my job to come up with something
To live life a little more, I decided to get myself into something challenging and also force me to get fit and healthy. So, I signed myself up for a race
I also want to get me a bike a second-hand one will do. This was me and the kids can enjoy our bike rides together.
One thing that I have also noticed, is that you can’t just do something once a week. You need a little pick me up during the week. So, I decided on an outside activity, like a picnic (kids love picnics), flying a kite, or just kicking a ball with the kids.
I have also observed that if you give my kids at least 30 minutes of doing kids stuff with them they feel great. If you play and imagine with them, I’m pretty cool.
It is also important to get some alone time – doing what you love. My no 1 choice is of course blogging. Spending time with your girl friends, going for coffee with hubby. I also try to avoid shopping malls – malls have just become to overwhelming for me lately – I only visit when I have to.
Also find an interest – I taken up photography, I’m not all that great – but hey I love it. This is my thing, I’m known by it by my family and friends
Feeding that void of an insecurity of what the future holds. Questions like what if hubby looses his job? What if he dies? What am I going to do when I have to start working again? What am I going to do when I hit empty nest? What can I do to get some extra cash? So I came up with a plan I think it is okay to think ahead – so I thought of a job I always wanted and would love. I started making a plan to work on it and get that skill. Something that I might even be able to do part-time,

I would like to encourage all mums, that if you always wanted to be that special something. Start working on getting that skill. If your kids is leaving for college in the next ten years, You have ten years to work on it – instead of taking six subjects a term take two, ease yourself into it.

In the mean time you can live life and knowing that you plan for the present and a plan for the future

Happy living!!!

2009-08-06T16:51:00.000+02:00

Pay It Forward

I stumbled upon this posting about this awesome giveaway, aka Random Gifts to Total Strangers. I have decided to participate! And now you can play too:

Do I have five readers?

Here's how it works:

The first five people to leave a comment on this post will get something from me. But in return, you have to do the same thing on your blog and send something to five other people. The details are as follows, and if you want to play, copy the following onto your blog and leave me a post:

1. I make no guarantees that you will like what I send you. But you may be pleasantly surprised.
2. What I send i hope you going to like.
3. I promise I will complete all 5 gifts this year - 2009.
4. I will not give you any clue what it’s going to be.
5. In return, all you need to do is post this text on your blog and make/send 5 gifts for the first 5 to respond to your blog post.
6. I will contact you via your blog
Everyone is welcome. I guarantee that you will receive something from me providing you do the same for 5 other people in your blog post.

Are you game? Let's do this! I will be anxiously waiting ...... biting my nails.....

I don't craft or knit, but i'll send something.

Gluten Free dishes

2009-08-06T16:14:00.000+02:00

below some nice gluten free and wheat free bread. all you need is rice and millet flour - 2 cups, 2 eggs and glass and half of water/milk/rice milk, some salt for taste and if you can have sugar, a teaspoon of sugar. This is really yummy with strawberry jam.

i could not resist and took a bite, okay it looks like more than a bite.

for supper - gluten/wheat free rice and corn spaghetti , mixed with mince (ground beef) and carrots. My kids love spaghetti and they really can't taste the difference.

2009-08-05T19:28:00.000+02:00

Thank-you for stopping by, I so enjoy you coming to visit my blog and leaving comments.
If I did not visit your blog/website yet, I'm sure to pop in soon.

Thanks yet again!! and have a good rest of the day.

I did a foolish thing or did I

2009-08-05T07:10:00.000+02:00

I did the unthinkable, I took my unfit self and signed up for a 5km run (their was an option for 10km), that would be 3 miles – 5km sounds so much better and does not make me look like a wimp.

Anyways, as you might recall I was extremely tired the day before (if you read my blog, if not, I was tired the day before ) and in the evening I refused to go to bed early as I was afraid that the following day will come along too quick with it’s to do list. So, I stayed up late not realising that in the morning while having breakfast and paging through a magazine that I will take up the challenge to enter a 5/10 km race.

So, without delay I decided that I will not let a day go wasted without training, as I would like to avoid huffing and puffing close to the finish line, which is very possible. So, I started my run after I did a thorough warm up (walking). I ran for about 20 minutes and in an hour or two after. I was pooped, extremely hungry, could hardly keep my eyes open and forgot that I had muffins in the oven – luckily I passed the oven and realised I was baking something, for a moment, I did not recall that I made something.

All I have been doing for the afternoon was feed my extremely tired body and yet again have let the 2 hour rule for TV slip as I have been so tired.

So, I have been a very tired mommy, but I’m glad that with the tiredness came no crankiness and I was more like a mother high on weed. Not that I will know.

And so for later today, I have arranged for my daughter to spend the afternoon with my girlfriend, while my son is at cricket practice

Of course my friend knows that I have done a very foolish thing and has agreed that I get some rest. As we do not want Monster Mommy to show her ugly face.

Do I measure up as a Mom?

2009-08-04T11:33:00.000+02:00

I guess I have been guilty or still am at times. In the beginning it was the hardest for me. Mom’s always seemed so in control, I was especially envious of those mom’s that could afford to look good and look thinner than before, but of course the latter, was due to my distorted view of what she looked like before or not knowing her at all. Some mums can speak so softly and gently while I talk loudly and reprimand in public. Their kids are always perfectly dress, while mine refused to dress any other way then to wear their fairy wings, put on two different shoes, look like a farmer in a dungarees that is too small and wearing mismatching colours (this I must confess, they get from me).

But I would like to think I’m a little free from the green eyed monster. I have come to accept who I am as a woman that I maybe not as lucky as others or work as hard as other mums to get their pre-baby body back. That my kids have character beyond measure and now have freedom to express themselves in their dressing (though sometimes I do oppose). I still speak loud, but I try and control that.

That I’m not like your family, that the rules for my family is different to yours and that I am so okay with that. And I'm okay with the rules of your family.

Happy Mothering.

i"m tired

2009-08-03T19:07:00.000+02:00

I'm tired and I'm going to bed, as soon as i get away from my PC.

I just did the "oh! you such a bad mummy." i plonked my kids infront of the tv and will do so until it is bed time.

Do you lie?

2009-08-03T11:39:00.000+02:00

I read an article about Can you go a week with out lying?

Well I thought to myself this will be pretty easy for me as I don’t lie, but apparently I do.

For example when a hairdresser asked me if I like my hair and I say yes. But as soon as I can get a mirror I will run my fingers through it. How somebody is trying to get hold of me and I don’t want to talk to them, I either tell them my phone was on silent, I did not hear (as if you cant see the miss call on your cell) or it was out of reach. Lying about a movie when I hated it. Lying when people ask if me if I’m okay and it so obvious that I’m not. Lying to my daughter when she ask how many sugars I put in. lying about how nice someone hair is cut. Lying about wanting a slice of cake, where I so can eat the whole cake. Lying about only being on the internet for an hour a day. (that is just so, so, wrong of me) I’m sure I can come up with more.

I’m ashamed to say, I’m a Jesus girl and I lie. So do you lie?

100 things about me

2009-07-31T06:53:00.000+02:00

I was unaware that you should have something like this. But I thought what the heck it would put things in perspective and give blog visitors and followers more or less an idea of who I am.

Early years

1. I was born in apartheid Cape Town, South-Africa, 27th March 1976 via natural birth.
2. got a good slap on my bum to wake me up
3. For the first five years I grew up in Cape Town (Bo Kaap).
4. My early childhood in Cape Town was pure bliss
5. things I loved about Cape Town I could see the harbour and ocean from my stoep (porch) and the world was a big open place
6. for most of my life up until childhood we stayed in one bedrooms,
7. I liked “tofo o lux”, (it’s a toffee sweet)
8. I loved to write and I loved a red pen. I would always claim that any red pen is mine and I did this for years.
9. People were nice to me in CT, they were accepting
10. We later moved from CT, I our house being rampaged by bricks at night. I never knew why, but I guess it was one of the reasons we left Cape Town
11. We then moved to Middelburg Transvaal, in the year I was turning six.
12. I picked up on reading very quick, and I could read my mum and my uncle’s books at the age of six (never gone do day-care before the age of six)
13. We stayed in the back room of the church, here is where my faith was formed
14. Never really had a bed or room of my own, now I share a room and bed with my husband. Lol!

Teen Years

15. Love being a teen and also with that came a little wisdom to say no.
16. Loved boys. had my first boyfriend at 15. Nothing serious we did date for a few months. Never really dated anyone after that. Just kissing friends.
17. My first kissing experience have put me of kissing. My husband is a great kisser but I’m just still traumatised by my first kiss. Lol!!
18. I wanted to become an airhostess, writer or model…… never became any of those. But have found a passion and I still write, but have not published anything yet.
19. People looked at me and thought I could not be clever.
20. I prayed to God to make me white, but that never did. (this was very important in apartheid south-africa) And later on my life accepted me for who I am
21. My fist furry love - Troopie died a tragic death the kids of our township beat him up and since then and no other animal took its place. Though we have other animals at home.

My twenties

22. I had guys falling over me. I was always showered by gifts.
23. I could not date a guy I liked, because he was dating my friend
24. I always got the good looking ones – but they all turned out to be jerks
25. I fell in-love at 22 and my heart got broken too 
26. I met my husband @ 23, whom I knew, through church and fallen in love with him at the age of 12. within four months of us dating – he proposed
27. After marriage I fell pregnant on our honeymoon and it was good-bye forever to my beautiful youthful, perky body. And I thought what the heck just happened!!!

Things I love

28. I love My kids, they my insanity and my sanity
29. I love to play Nigela, I love to bake and experiment it’s therapeutic
30. I love and have a real appreciation for nature
31. I love the lens it forces me to see the world differently. This is when I reach within my soul and I discover a new me every time.
32. I love the tabloids (I know it is bad but I’m addicted)
33. I like to write randomly
34. I love the winter son and enjoy it with a hot beverage
35. I love to explode in colour, as life is too black and white.
36. I like to relax but feel guilty when I do
37. I love to dream
38. I love the internet and my Black Berry
39. I love hats
40. I love that my feet is always dirty, cause I like walking barefoot
41. I love that I can mismatch colours

My wants

42. I want do not worry to much
43. I don’t want my religion to dictate to me, but I want my believes to guide me
44. I want to drive my own car
45. I want to do things on my own
46. I want to travel the world
47. I want to let go quicker
48. I don’t want to hate
49. I want to love unconditionally even it hurts
50. I want to live a life of luxury
51. I want to play more
52. I want to believe
53. I want to write a novel
54. I want to Dance with you
55. I want to kiss in the rain naked
56. I want you do not care too much
57. I want to ride a bike
58. I want to learn to swim
59. I want to make better choices

Things I don’t like

60. I don’t like to be told, but I listen anyway
61. I don’t always like to be good. : -) but I am
62. don’t like to be limited as I accept the limitations
63. I don’t like to withhold myself, there is so much more to me
64. I don’t like that my perspective can be so distorted
65. I don’t like that I can’t express myself immediately

My bad habits
66. I don’t like to clean, I’m domestically challenged
67. I’m a procrastinator
68. I love TV
69. I can go weeks with a hat and only occasionally brush my hair
70. I can stay all day long in my PJ’s
71. I can completely ignore my kids
72. I’m a messy
73. I can go to the grocery store and not care what I look like, without make-up
74. I get real mad at my husband
75. I can be impolite

The what if’s in my life

76. what if I could just let go of my fears
77. what if things were different
78. what if I looked different – I don’t think this will work as it was such a journey to accept me for who I am

Random things about me

79. I believe in Jesus
80. I snort like a pig when I laugh
81. I’m build like a fruit Salad
82. I’m coloured (in south-Africa that is not an insult) what makes me coloured? My mom is coloured (My grandfather is Irish and my grandmother is Indian) My dad is white but grew up in a coloured township. (his parents is Dutch) therefore I’m mix and a coloured
83. people think I’m Indian or Muslim and most foreigners think I’m Porterigan, Latino or from some exotic nation
84. I love all things that taste yummy and I love, love peanut butter
85. I was a big Michael Jackson fan and actually thought I was going to marry him
86. I ate my fist pizza at sixteen
87. first time I went to eat out I was 15, I actually saved the serviettes (don’t have it anymore)
88. I like to act crazy
89. I don’t remember much of the apartheid years as we always stayed in our townships. I only remember that I could not drink from a tap and go into a toilet cause it said “Slegs Blankes” whites only! I’m glad it’s over.
90. Only had one doll growing up and I had to wait to play with her (for Christmas) and then could not play with her outside and the other time my mum gave my other doll to my rich snorpy step sister
91. Used bricks as a doll
92. I have a love hate relationship with my husband
93. I love music that moves my soul
94. I get sad at times
95. I don’t like to watch movies where children get harmed it disturbs my soul
96. I like to have my space and at the same time I love to be with people
97. I like to think I love exercise, but I’m fooling myself
98. I want to milk a cow
99. if I could have studied further, I would have become a psychologist
100. I don’t think I am as happy as I should be

We are going to fetch Mum today.

2009-07-30T07:05:00.000+02:00

Can’t believe how I miss my mother. Is it not amazing that how a mothers love and her just being there or the thought of me fetching her today makes the world seem all the better.

My mum is staying for a few days, she has Alzheimer’s and she is at a nursing home where she is happy. Mum’s Alzheimer’s started early; doctors say it could be the cause of her trials in life. Mum has lost her first love, her second love has divorced her and left her in a state, that her head has practically gone grey overnight. (so, she confessed to a neighbour once, as I was eavesdropping. It explained her grey hair at an very early age) And later on in life she was suppose to re-marry but the man passed on and since this we have seen mum slipped. Besides her fate in love mum had to raise four daughters by herself. And if I did not know any better, I think she always felt judge as all her sisters were in good marriages. But all she had, she got on her own and no husband gave her the life that she had. She gave it to her self,

Her memory got worst – she would forget when she ate, what day it was and become very aggressive. As sisters we really struggled to find a common place as to how to take care of mum.

So, we decided, not that most would agree, to put her in a place where they will be able to take care of her needs and she can have the same conversation over and over and no one would be the wiser or upset.

Now, whenever I talk to mum. She is always busy doing something, helping out the once that has it tougher then her. The nurses call her, there little helper. She thinks she is there to help and that is okay with us. You know why, because she is happy.

My thoughts for the morning

2009-07-29T13:32:00.000+02:00

Yet again I have moved furniture, this always happen in my house and if you visit me in three months. You might not see the same thing at the same place. I’m funny that way and loving it!!!

I wondered why a friend would pass me. Wonder if I’m only being used. Love the idea of having a clean carpet, got it washed today, yippee!!

I thought this was great, somebody said that I should try every day to do something good. But I thought and thought. This is what I came up with. As parents we do a lot of good thing

Like getting out of bed to prepare meals where I could have just stayed in
Cleaning the house, instead of sitting in a dirty room
Moving a log from the road so that no one drives over it
Gave a unused TV to one of the carpet cleaners
Did not hit my child silly when she said I was her maid
And I sure there is much more

The Eruption

2009-07-24T09:00:00.001+02:00

Ever felt that you have no control over your anger. Well, this happens to me at least once a week. The day started out okay, not perfect.

One thing that I completely dislike after telling my son a few times that he can’t have it. It’s when he doesn’t listen and sneaks behind my back and does it. This has caused an upset to the rest of the evening, I blew, really blew, the sticky glue that I had in my hands flew. This is the first time that I really got aggressive, I felt like I …. And my son was hurting and it was evident with the tears were streaming down his face.

I was mad at me for loosing my cool and I was mad at my son for not listening after we have been going through this a few times.

Of course this was terribly upsetting and it has disturbed my sleep, as it seems to become a pattern and I don’t want it to overtake my life.

While on my walk this morning I came up with a list of things that I should consider, that is should store in my brain and heart.

I need to accept that my child is just a child and that he will mess up
That I should not set such high expectation for either of us
That it is okay to get angry but that I should learn how to get angry
That I should pray about my anger
That I need some time alone
Discipline immediately so that it can’t be repeated.
I should make myself conscienceless aware of the tell signs
That if I planned something that I should prepare myself for it to change or to be messed up.
That my anger could be a suppressed anger.

I hope this will help and I will work on it. If not, I will need to seek counselling.

what's up with the latest trends

2009-07-23T13:47:00.000+02:00

Is it just me, or is this becoming too much. Every other video you have a singer dancing in a one-piece. I just don't get it. Do, you really have to go this far to sell a single?

Okay, so they look good and my daughter is a Beyonce fan, but really stop with the.....
I think this attire is very acceptable on the beach, jacuzzi or pool.

so, is it just me that has a problem?

Crippling and extremely paralysing

2009-07-22T13:05:00.000+02:00

I have been avoiding this for years. But it seems that I will have to face my fears. If there is one thing I fear, it is driving! I have written my learners licence three times, next week Monday it will be my fourth time. Of course I’m good in theory but when it comes to the driving, something that I don’t have control over, happens to me. I have fear covering me and I hate, hate, and hate it with a passion!!. Every time when I just about to pass out, I will come up with something to not let my go for my licence test. So, my husband has accepted that I will never drive and so have I.

But recently my kids asked why I’m not driving and how can I tell them that mum is horrified at the idea of being behind the wheel. “You must face your fears” I would say. Look at me the biggest hypocrite. Things have just also become very difficult in having to ask everyone to take you somewhere, having to depend on hubby whose schedule is over book.

Not driving has left me between these four walls on days that I could’ve done something. Saying no to every birthday invitation because I of my fear, not going out to see my friends and not having to go the ones that is sick in bed and being there for a friend in need.

I would like for it to change, so, now I’m facing it yet again. I hope that this time I will be able to push through for myself as I know my life will be so much easier having wheels and I will anticipate and pray hard every time I’m behind the wheel.

I'm feeling sad

2009-04-23T16:32:00.000+02:00

Feeling a bit sad today, maybe I'm just a little overwhelmed, by everything that is going on. i have so much on plate this week. maybe I'm not good with having to much on my plate. but i think it has more to do with the emotion that is going with each. also, that i maybe feel a little bit alone, don't get me wrong i have great friends to encourage me and are there for me whenever i need them. but i think there is somethings that you have to do alone and decisions that you have to make on your own.

so, I'm little bit sad, but I'm sure I'll be okay once I'm well rested, once i took my much deserved bath.

2009-04-17T13:27:00.000+02:00

We have Mable that came to help today with my lack of skill in the domestic area. Yes, I am no super house wife. I have been without any help for some time now, more than a year. Hubby was actually pleased that i asked someone to come and help me for the day. Poor hubby, he is the only one that is neat and the rest of the family we like to mess. So, this is quite an adjustment for him. But i must say he is doing pretty well, he is still here. he must love me very munch.

Mable has now, move upstairs and i have passed my sympathy to her. it looks like an war zone, but she seem quite optimistic and sure that she will handle it. I have had a few ladies that helped me in the past and non of them ever came back. So, we"ll see if Mable is coming back. lucky for me, i live in South-Arfica and it's still quite affordable to have someone to help. at this time my budget permits me to have come once a month, but i will push for twice.

i'm so chuffed

2009-04-16T12:22:00.000+02:00

funny thing, was that last night i opened Proverbs and i read Proverbs 16 and there it was, commit your plans to God. So i did, and on that list was a school for Kristin. Just as God would have it, i found a school. funny, thing was that Priscilla ,the principle said earlier the morning that she wont be able to assist me, but i went back in faith to ask her to put me on her waiting list hoping that she will make a plan for me. just as i stood by the gate, she said she told the ladies that one of her kids will be leaving end of April and was thinking of me and that she did not have my number, but was pleased to see me. I tell you that is faith and God working.

So I'm so chuffed after much searching. I have found a pre-school for Kristin. She will be starting the 1st of May and will be going 3 days a week, which suit me well. The school seems great, it's just up my street (yes, i know, why only now. I really don't know the answer to that, but I'm sure God knows.) The fee is very affordable and it will include all her extra mural activities, especially the ballet. kristin's ballet shoes have been worn already, (top pic as you can see we could only found one) you will think she has been dancing all along. I'm happy, truly happy for her. for this is what i want for her.

So me and Kris are really Happy.

Curb cravings

2009-03-18T14:02:00.000+02:00

Cravings is my biggest down fall, usually when I give in. I think, what a heck, might as well have it all.

Most people have it, maybe a few of you don’t. Bless your heart if you don’t. But what about us that always have cravings. I’m the type of person that craves anything, sweet, sour,(okay may not sour) and salty. It never stops, but I have somehow learned when learned what triggers my temptations, but I’m weak @ times. The food speaks to me and it knows me by name.

Cravings, is like you need a fix, like an addict. An emotion is not being met. So psychologist will say Dig deep, if you don’t have money to see one. Pray about and ask God to reveal why you eat. Write your feelings down (some might say this is stupid) it works. If you do not want to write, then reflect. (Of course we can only reflect after we gave into our crack).

Some useful help I got from a site.

drink plenty of water (helps flush the sugar)
keep a positive attitude (stock up on good mood foods and vitamin B) (I currently have to use vitamin B as I get in those moods,)
keep healthy foods (that don’t always work – if you an addict you will find something even it means you have to run to the store.) easy snacks they say. Fruits (don’t eat fruit after meals and it separate)
A 5 day detox to stop your cravings - lol.
Avoid putting sugar in your food. (This is my triggers )
Exercise, start your day well. (it has some mental effect on you, but it works)
also eating healthy (meaning eat of all food groups - it works wonders. For me a bad start is a bad end.)
avoid stimulants – caffeinated drinks

Late night cravings (go to bed early. lol) - eat well during the day. I’ve noticed that I eat less during the day and all of a sudden in the evening I go haywire and desperately want to eat something. Sometimes because I’m hungry and sometimes purely out of that I want something that time of the evening.

Identify your craving – physiological or psychological.
Physical cravings – may be result of low fat intake or low blood sugar. If you crave food in the afternoon could mean that you have gone without lunch for a long time of had to little to eat. A fruit or yogurt should do it.

Emotions play a big part in food cravings “wilborn says.” When you stressed, frustrated, lonely, bored….. All those feelings can trigger cravings.” Memory triggers how food made us feel when we were younger. Sensory triggers, like smell and visual cues. If you walk pass a pizza place the likely wood of you craving, is pretty high. So take that detour, cuz I’m sure you know where all the food places are.

If you not physically hungry Wilborn suggest the following.

Brush your teeth and gargle with an antiseptic mouthwash like Listerine (part of wanting to eat is taste, nothing taste good after you gargled with Listerine.”
Distract yourself (this one is hard for me, if you think of food no way it’s going to stop me) take yourself out of the situation for 45 minutes, if you still craving after that have a small amount - if that really happens.
Choose healthy substitute if you want ice-cream – sugar free ice-cream (so don’t buy the full cream) frozen yogurt (this one is a definite)
Potatoes chips try baked tortilla chips instead ( I don’t like tortilla chips)
Listen to your cravings if you want something salty your body might need something salty. Add salt to your food instead of having a salty snack I’ve learned for myself to eliminate to much salt, as it increases my cravings. I mostly have sugar cravings rather then salt. If you aware of what triggers your cravings, avoid (but in my case, it needs working on)
Often hungry (drink water) Wilborn says allow yourself to give in now and then. “It’s not healthy to be so rigid.” Unless it is a health risk.

My advice – have a healthy diet it will stop your cravings. You will want to have something sweet; there is nothing wrong with that. I love the idea of the pyramid diet. These include all food groups. I believe if you neglect one food group, you will eventually crave it (sometimes our bodies have gone bonkers after we’ve had children and it’s difficult to tell what it is that we want, then you empty the cupboard and realise it was all along that peanut butter sandwich.).
If you want to loose weight, eat less calories but not less than 1200 calories, of course see your doctor first and have those blood checks, it will help with you identify those moments when you go; “I just don’t know why I’m not loosing weight and I’m doing everything right”.
Be realistic, the older you get the longer it takes to loose weight. Try to loose 10% of your body weight over six months. It’s long, but imagine trying different diets that “guarantees a quick weight loss” and in six months you still at your same weight if not more, that is a guarantee. If you do it right, you might loose that 10% before the six months – you will feel fab and motivated. Once you reached you six month goal, try and maintain it for a three months and then try and loose the rest – 10% of your current weight. This way it is realistic and it does not cause unnecessary stress when you don’t loose those 2 kilos for a week.

ai, toggie

2009-03-12T21:43:00.000+02:00

Me and hubby are frustrated, but I would like to think we handled ourselves well.(With a particular person that seems to rub us the wrong way) We kept quiet, we have been still. What can we do, it just does not seem to help to talk anymore. So, that is it and past and we are no longer pondering on it.....

My best friend came to visit and she is leaving in a few months to Hawaii, they going to stay for three months. Wow!! I'm so jealous and at the same time I'm really happy for her, like really happy. Is it not great to feel pure joy and happiness for a friend. It feels awesome.

My birthday is coming up, though I would like to do something special. I don't think it's going to happen. Besides that I have made great friends in the last few weeks. The kind of friends that you snort like a big and people that eccepts you for who you are. So, we will see.

life

2009-03-09T08:06:00.000+02:00

Want to thank God for life and especially being with my husband this week-end. Though it will sound really cool that my husband crashed in a bridge @ a very high speed on a Jet ski. Sounds cool, right, but it is not so cool when it is your friends Jet ski and that I could've ended up with no husband.

We thank God that we had friends that was more worried about Paul rather then there Jet ski. They great people and I wish I could be more like them, what godly attitudes. I feel so rich that we have people like that in our lives. God Bless you guys, may God Bless you guys, may he enlarge your territory so that you can touch more people and show Christ love to others.

what i am thinking this monday morning

2009-03-09T07:48:00.000+02:00

I love to think and I always chufft about what I'm thinking....

This morning I'm thinking, that I should not be so easily influence. It does not mean because you have the degree that I should agree with you, unless of course your argument is grounded and factual. Many times, I must admit, that I can be easily persuaded, but I have learned that I should think and reflect if it is in agreement with my views. Others are not always right and neither am I'm. But it's great to have an open mind and there is really nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree.

half time

2009-02-25T13:46:00.000+02:00

I'm reading the book half time and are led to wonder how the next half of my life will be lived. The question posed in the book. "If your life was absolutely perfect how would it look to you." While it left me thinking and still thinking. As I am a little indecisive right now. I do belief that I have reach the next stage of my life. Living it with purpose. But at the same time I have two little souls that is in my care and that needs me every second, for small things, like, where is my toys, can I go to my friends, what shall I wear and so, and so.

Though I feel that I'm ready I feel I have a lot think about. The second half of ur life is really about making the small souls in your life a priority aswell as the spirit of my husband.

Am I ready to take my next step, or is this where I should be. That said, that is what I'm pondering on today.

As for my diet, I wish I can stick to it. I have lost weight, but nothing that makes me jump with glee. Maybe a little diligence and commitment from my side will make a difference. I'm just basically tired of the same thing over and over. Setting goals but it is far out of reach. Maybe is should be realistic, really realistic, not the kind that I'm led to believe that I am. Cause I have a thyroid problem things are different for me, when it comes to weight loss and I would like to think that it does not play a roll. But it does and I should take it in consideration.

Children - keaton fell from a wall, got a demerrit at school for excessive talking (this is all my fault. As I love talk. Come to think of it so does Paul) poor angel. Kristin is doing well and now can write the first half of her name. She now has to learn how to write; Leigh (Kristin-Leigh, Keaton-Paul). I'm learning how to be a more understanding mum instead of a screamer - erupting volcano.

I'm also trying to not let little things affect me and somehow have managed not to ponder on the pain.

Went to visit my mum and I'm happy she looks well rested and relaxed. Though she would love to go home. (This of course can't happen as she is diagnose with Alziemers.)But she has stabelise and her memory is not deteriating as fast as it use to. Guess the medication is helping.

I'm at a okay place in my life and I guess I will always be. As life always changes and desires constantly grows and change

Since the last time

2009-02-17T07:17:00.000+02:00

I'm tired today, we had a few late evenings the last couple of days. We had our Valentines day dinner @ church that was a success. Our ladies worked well together and I have really seen some great team effort. I thank God for sending them my way. I still have a little minor behavior (my own) that I have to handle but I will be okay. I'm can be a little insensitive to some people needs a specially if a behavior is reoccuring and I feel I can't count on you. That is some of the things that needs to be ironed out. But I'm sure in time and will do it in a very diplomatic way.

Home wise - we had a information evening, though I thought was a parents evening. Typical of me to miss red, the information evening was not as informative as some of the things that was raised was forward to us through the circulars. But as Paul, my very wise husband said, that some parents don't read the circular but I have I'm let to believe that most of those parents read the circular as it was announced in our weekly circular. Being new the school, it is obviously not as intimate as our previous school and can not be viewed that way. At our previous school we all were connected by one common ground that we believed in Christ. This is a transition for me and I miss our old school and I wish that we could return.

Keaton - is doing okay at school, he has made a class friend this is telling me that he is somewhat settled. As before he had lots of friends, which was great but there a different name every day. Caleb has come his way and his name was mentioned more than three times. Caleb is now on my prayer list. I'm glad Keaton is doing well academically, I'm pleased with the teacher, though she seems a little distant. But I'm okay with that, for now.

Kristin - she is struggling making S's. I'm trying not to go screaming on her and trying very hard to be patient. She still has a fruitful social life and I'm pleased.

Paul- my darling Paul, his name she would've been on top. But he is a great husband and is treating me like the delicate flower that I am, I'm blessed having Paul in my life and glad that we trying to make things work, and right now I'm guilty of ignoring him because he want some TLC. So I will have to go and give him the love he so much deserve.

day 2

2009-02-10T22:00:00.000+02:00

Weigh inn - lost 1/2 kilo, but I'm not excited my weight has gone up and down for the last few weeks.

Diet: it has gone well until I went to our womens bible study. I forgot about my diet and help myself to a slice of milk tart. Quickly realized that I'm getting gravings and indulged in a late night snack. So, I'm not so pleased, not expecting any changes in my weight tomorrow that is if it has not grep up.

Exercise - walked for about 20 minutes in our complex,but cut ut short not wanting to leave my daughter alone. So I jumped on a trampoline, and got a few stretches in after worths. Felt really great. I love what exercise does to me.

So tomorrow is another day and going to call it a night and lead myself out of temptation.

Day 1 (south beach diet)

2009-02-09T16:27:00.000+02:00

Surprisingly no intense gravings, normally I have lost it by now. There was a split second that I wanted to binge, but because I could have cheese, it immediately Stopped the graving. I still feel full. I thought it would be a difficult day as I have to finalize last minute arrangements for Saturday's Valentine's day dinner. So I'm pleased, when I'm normally stressed I can forget about sticking to anything and a few weeks hard work is down the drain. So I'm trying to stay focus as I really want reach my goal.

Weigh inn - I have not weighed myself today but will too so tomorrow.

Exercise - I walked 4Km. Nothing vigorous, but will step it up tomorrow.

and so my journey starts

2009-02-07T20:15:00.000+02:00

again... yes, I'm going to try yet again to get writ of my extra baggage.

i have found (i hope) a diet (yes a diet) that might work for me. they say a lifestyle change, hoping it will be a lifestyle change and i'm kind of want to get writ of my muffin top a little bit quicker. i will go off from starch for the first two weeks and gradually add my starches. this diet sounded great and i thought i might as well try it. you might have heard about it, the southbeach diet. i never really do try diets, this will be my first or is it do, you count elimanating food from your diet a diet...guess so. so this wont be my first.

so, i will officially start tomorrow (as it is now 8:17pm). I also starting to exercise again, and not going to push me too hard (have tried this in pass and i get just to tired quickly and bored). going to walk. i already started walking and added anckle weights (as i often walk). hoping to see some change.